Here is a letter i received recently because I live in a red state.
Dear Red States:
We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and
we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't
aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington,
Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all of the Northeast. We
believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to
the people of the new country of New California.
To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of
Liberty. You get Dollywood. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get
WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. We get 85 percent of
America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get
two-thirds of the tax revenue; you get to make the red states pay
their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than
theChristian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a
bunch of single moms. Please be aware that Nuevo California will be
pro gay-rights, pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all
our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask
your evangelicals.
They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for
no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their
children's caskets coming home.
We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but
we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's and McInsane's
Quagmire.
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent
of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple
and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of
America's quality wines, 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the
high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living
redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools
plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope
with
88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care
costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the
tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern
Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh,
Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia. We get
Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah
was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred
unless we're discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44
percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam
was involved in
9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy b*stards believe you are the people
with higher morals than we lefties.
Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed
they grow in Mexico.
Peace out,
Blue States
